Flowers take time to bloom

This past week and a half has been pretty crappy. Between my niece having to have another procedure for her heart, my sister getting a near fatal bite from a Copperhead Snake, and losing someone really close to me it's been pretty stressful. Not to mention I have been so tired with this pregnancy that even going up the stairs a few times a day seem like a chore. This baby has been literally taking all of my energy, but that's ok because he is totally worth it. There are also other things that have been hectic since hubby switched branches, but this would be even longer if I delve into that. I have learned a lot of lessons this week on life and how to confront hardships when they arise (even more-so than before). It doesn't seem to matter what you say, there is always someone who will take it the wrong way or twist it to something it's not. I have worried myself beyond belief over things I can not change. This is not good for me or my growing baby. When you go through rough times, it seems like you really know who your true friends are....and that's a good thing. I feel blessed for having those in my life that really do care and are honestly good people in general. And for everyone else, that's ok too.....people are who they are and I believe that we all go through stages in life that either make us or break us and we just have to learn from those experiences and not make certain mistakes again. There will always be people who take advantage of other people, or those who just want to start drama for whatever immature reasons they have.


Going through what I have been through has really showed me a lot about myself. I AM a good person....I'm great actually. I have a heart of gold and give out love and support without a second thought because it's who I am. I'm genuine, sensitive, giving, and more. I recently second-guessed who I was because of things that have gone on, but when it comes down to it that's unfair for those around me who do truly love who I am. Why change the good in me just because there are a few bad seeds out there who don't get me or what I stand for or the hardships I go through?  So for now, I am re-shifting my priorities. I will still give out my love and support 100% because that's who I am, but I will no longer put people as a priority when I am just an option for them. I am more than that and I deserve more too. I am a great mother and awesome wife. I love my family with all my heart. God has blessed us too much for me to be down and out over people and situations who really don't matter in the long run. 


Re-focusing on the positives in my life and keeping an open heart to those that NEED me are what's going to happen. I'm truly blessed to have a man who loves me 100% and would NEVER do anything to hurt me or our children. I asked him today what quality I possess that he is proud to see in me and without thinking he said I'm the most selfless person he knows. A friend reminded me today that the only people who really matter are my husband, LJ, and this baby boy growing inside me and relying on me 100% and that everything/everyone else is a bonus. An old friend reminded me that I visited him in the hospital years ago when not many others did and he still remembers it to this day and appreciated it. I feel that God knew I needed to hear these things to put me back on track to being me again. I am an amazing person and I will never doubt that again. No more stressing because my family and this little baby growing inside me deserves more than that!

30 days of me Day 2

Well I can already tell you I think this whole 30 days of me thing is getting old but since I started it, I will continue on!!! Day 2 is supposed to be your favorite movie. I really don't have a favorite movie per se so I can't answer with just one. Among the favorites are: Brown Sugar, Love and Basketball, What dreams may come (although most people have probably never heard of it-it's totally me and J and I remember him calling me after he saw it when it first came out and telling me I NEEDED to watch it because it's us), The Notebook, Memoirs of a Geisha, and the 3rd Twilight movie because they actually did a great job and it was closer to the book this time than the first two....not to mention the acting was a lot better in this one IMO! I know it seems like I am all over the place and that's because I'm awesome like that!

30 Days of Me Day 1

Day 1-My favorite Song

So this is almost impossible because there are WAY too many songs that mean a lot to me!!! I love songs from all different types of genres and all of them remind me of my husband in some way or another. I really love old school R&B more than the new stuff as well as some rock/alternative/country/rap etc..(not rap now but back in the 90's when it was good)! Amongst the top of the list (and off the top of my head right now!) would have to be:

*Alicia Keys w/Usher-My Boo: This song really describes a lot of what me and J have gone through. I love most Alicia Keys songs and feel that she can vocalize a lot of what I feel! 

*Paramore-Hallelujah: speaks to my heart and I just love them! I literally get goose bumps when I hear it. 

*Lenny Kravitz-Fly & Without you 

*Lenny Williams-because I love you

*The Juliana Theory-Constellation, August in Bethany, and more! I remember playing this CD over and over back in HS!

Again I could go on and on so I am just going to stop right now!!!

Day 01 - your favorite song
Day 02 - your favorite movie
Day 03 - your favorite television program
Day 04 - your favorite book
Day 05 - your favorite quote
Day 06 - whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 - a photo that makes you happy
Day 08 - a photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 - a photo you took
Day 10 - a photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 - a photo of you taken recently
Day 12 - whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 - a fictional book
Day 14 - a non-fictional book
Day 15 - a fanfic
Day 16 - a song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 - an art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 - whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 - a talent of yours
Day 20 - a hobby of yours
Day 21 - a recipe
Day 22 - a website
Day 23 - a YouTube video
Day 24 - whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 - your day, in great detail
Day 26 - your week, in great detail
Day 27 - this month, in great detail
Day 28 - this year, in great detail
Day 29 - hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 -- whatever tickles your fancy

Kids can make you re-evaluate...even the holidays!

So my husband's family doesn't do Christmas or Halloween because of their beliefs (a lot of Jehovas Witness background). When we first got married I could see their points and understood why they felt that way and even did a little research myself. For the first 4 years of marriage, we didn't celebrate them at all and I always had that longing to because that's just tradition for me. It took me a long time to try to come to a way we could come to a compromise because hubby just put his foot down the whole time and said we weren't doing it plain and simple.

Well having my son made me want him to experience this and no matter how much I told him this is what I wanted to do, I couldn't justify it because he is good at arguing his point and I kind of suck at that. compared to him. Anyhow, my friend Brittany took me to Walmart one day last year and we looked at the Halloween stuff and I couldn't resist this cute little lion costume for LJ and it was only 10$. As scared as I was going against my hubby's wishes, I took him trick or treating anyways. I decided to stand up and just do what I wanted to do for a change...after all this is OUR child. He didn't end up coming with us, but he sure did eat some of the candy afterwards lol!

Then Christmas rolls around and he finally for the first time got to experience how my family does it. It was early right after Thanksgiving, due to to him having to deploy soon after. His Christmas was taken away from him when he was 3 years old. His parents just stopped doing it for their own reasons, which is fine-to each their own, but I never wanted that for my children. All I could think about was when I was younger and we would come back from Christmas break at school and tell each other what we got from Santa or family etc... and I could just see the look on my sons face when he had to say "nothing :(" That broke my heart so I was truly happy my husband got to see how my family celebrates it and that we give out of love for each other and it's more fun for the kids anyways you know. Anyhow, so we came back to San Diego from our visit to Charleston last year and as soon as we got home, we went to Target and he picked out a tree and the decorations. It was another side of him I had never seen. He was truly happy and excited and I knew then that we would be celebrating it from now on...which made me happy. Our compromise was that LJ and now Gage, will know that Santa is not real and instead he will get gifts from us because God has blessed us to be able to do those things for them. I am just so happy that we are making our own traditions and it's not an uncomfortable subject anymore:)

I was hoping that this Halloween he would want to participate, but he will not be here and said he had no desire to if he were here because he doesn't believe in it. I totally see his point, but I want to do it for the fun part of it...and that's it! It's just amazing how kids can make you really re-evaluate everything and actually change your mind about things!